The last swim lesson

Today was Bethany's 8th and final swim lesson. I am not sorry to be done with it. But I know she had a lot of fun, so I am sorry to see it end for her. Bethany can light up a room when she is happy. She smiles so big, and squeals with delight. I love it! Everytime we got in the pool for a lesson she would squeal and giggle. But it breaks my heart too. I want her to grow up and have dreams and a career, and fall in love, and have babies of her own, and be happy. But I don't know what the future holds for her. I don't know what the future CAN hold for her. What kind of life is she going to have? I feel like I am not doing the right things, and there is this intense pressure to hurry up and treat her while she is so young. I hear over and over that the younger you start any treatment, the better chance of success. But what is the right treatment? What if I do the wrong one? We tried the DAN doctor approach, but I will admit, I think we got a crappy doctor, and we gave up fairly easily. Having her on a such a strict diet was so hard since she is so picky as it is. What do you feed a kid who can't have gluten, casein, sugar or yeast, but refuses to eat any meat or veggies no matter how hungry she is. She was living off of rice. People think I am a bad parent if my kid wont eat veggies. But it is not for lack of trying! I tried veggie juices, pureed veggies, steamed, blending them with other foods to disguise them. To the people who say if she gets hungry enough, she will eat them, I say, you try to do it if it's so easy. I about fell apart when she got so extremely excited over a banana display. I bought the darn bananas and she had 2 on the way home. She wasn't supposed to have fruit because of the sugar, so she had not had a banana in a while. She devoured those bananas, and watching her made me want to cry. Thinking about it now, still makes me want to cry. So we gave up the diet. But I still wonder if I couldn't have made it work somehow. Would it be worth it? Right now she is so young and so much still seems possible. I want to save her so bad. I can't bring myself to believe that I might not be able to make everything better. It makes me want to curl up in a ball on the floor and just bawl.