Thursday, September 20, 2007

Long distance love

Lately life has been crazy. For me and for Aaron. He has a lot going on, and he has been stressed out, and busy, and taking on more leadership duties. I am very stressed dealing with post partum depression, a child just being diagnosed on the autism spectrum, 2 young kids to take care of alone here. You get the idea. It seems all of our conversations lately, are all business. "How are you?" "Fine. How are you?" "How are the kids?" yada yada yada. When Aaron was deployed to Iraq before, we always managed to keep things interesting. But not this time. No worries. There is not trouble in paradise, lol. It's just one of those times. We are very much in love, and happy with each other. I never thought you could have a relationship like this where things are dull and mundane, but the relationship is still strong. I guess that's what makes a good marriage is that we can move through the times like this and know everything will be fine. Nevertheless, I wish I could think of a way to spice up things so put that spark back into our days. With the 13 hour time difference, his best time to call is before he goes to bed, which for me is in the morning when I am rushing around to feed, and dress the kids. I can barely put words into sentences during the madness of morning time around here. I'm sure I will think of something.

Crazy day!

My daughter is obsessed with dumping rice in the carpet. Everytime I buy more I hide it somewhere else. On a higher shelf, behind the cereal, etc. But Bethany always finds it and gets to it with her handy foot stool she pushes around the house. At least rice is somewhat cheap. Nevertheless a waste of food and more work for me to clean up. That is how my day began. Bethany dumping rice out. We had been up for maybe 7 minutes. But I did get Bwthany to school on time. Shea and I came home and got a little cleaning done, then went upstairs to my neighbors and tried on her daughters outfits on Shea for Shea's portrait session. Other peoples clothes are always better. Then we went for Shea's portrait session, followed by picking up Bethany and rushing off to a dental appointment for me, then rushing home for Bethany's speech therapy session. After that we hurried to get cleaned up to go to the Olive Garden for my upstairs neighbor and friends birthday dinner. The kids did very wellin the restaurant. Shea was waving at people, and of course that made everyone gush. She is pretty cute if I do say so myself. Bethany made it almost through the meal before she started cycling. She has cycles where whe gets hyper and starts stimming, and has this thing about needing pressure on her, like she will want to squeeze into a small place, or have me hug her very tightly, or lay under something heavy. I know it sounds weird, but her therapist tells me it is very typical of kids on the spectrum, and taught me what I can do for her. So, when she started cycling I just held her on my lap tightly. I don't think anyone else noticed it was anything different than a kid sitting on her moms lap. Not that it matters what others think. When we got home Bethany was at her peak, so she jumped on her mini trampoline for a while to burn off energy. Finally got her in bed and now Shea is asleep! What a day. Somebody asked me something though, that has bothered me all day. When I told them that Bethany is on the autism spectrum, they said, "Well, you should get fixed before your husband comes home. You dont want any more kids like that, right?" I felt that was rude and invasive and none of her darn business! People are so dumb sometimes. Ok, vent over.

Monday, September 17, 2007

What a mess

I used to be the person who had it all together, and wondered what was wrong with everyone else. See, that's the problem with judging others. It usually comes back to bite you. And here I am. I am a mess. I have post partum depression, and it is not getting better. I take medicine. I see a counselor. I have no trouble admitting this because I feel there is no shame in getting help if you have a problem. Nevertheless, I feel liek I am drowning here. It's not htat I can't handle Aaron being in Korea. We have been through 2 deployments. But for some reason this separation is really taking its toll on all of us. I have got to pull myself together and deal with things. It will be wonderful when Aaron comes home. He is so helpful with everything, and he is my best friend. Just him being here, helps. But, I can't rely on him as a cure for depression. I was depressed during my pregnancy, and he was here! It is said that exercise is supposed to be very helpful in dealing with depression. I just joined a gym, and so hopefully the exercise, and fact that I am finally doing something for myself will help. and if I start to look good, that can only help me to feel better about myself!