Updates

First of all, I want to say thank you to Liz for the information. I couldn't access your profile to say thank you, so if you are reading this, I really appreciate the information.

We have only been restricting Bethany's dairy for 5 days now, but it is proving to be pretty tough. Seh goes to the fridge herself and tries to get yogurt and cheese. I had to get a lock for the fridge. I may have to not buy these things or hide them better until she gets used to being without dairy. I have decided not to follow a time line and just take each step as we are ready for it. When I feel like we have the dairy cut off under control, then we will go to step 2. I don't want to try to move so fast, that we get overwhelmed and quit again.

I have now lost 4.8 pounds through Weight Watchers. I am doing good, and well on my way to my goal of hitting my 10% mark by the time Aaron gets home.

Speaking of Aaron, we are getting so close! I am so excited to have him coming home soon! Not excited to be facing a move though.

Shea is up from nap, so I will have to cut this short now.

Too much on my mind

I have too much on my mind, and I can't sleep. I met a girl today who is 8 years old with Bethany's same diagnosis. I know all kids with ASD are different, but she was so similar to Bethany, that I really felt like it was the closest I will get to an idea of what she will be like at that age. I don't know what is wrong with me. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I am still thinking she will suddenly come out of this. But today I saw reality. Not much I can do except love her and do my best for her. And to do my best for her, I feel like I need to give the GFCF diet another shot. An honest to goodness real good try this time. It may not help her. But it might. This feels overwhelming. The tacanow.org website has a 10 week plan to easing yourself into the diet/lifestyle. I know that it is not going to suddenly become easy. I just need to jump in and figure it out. So I will plan to start Sunday with step 1. Cut out all dairy.

The PCS is hanging over me like a black cloud. Although my husband is fabulous about most things, he is a procrastinator. He also tends to think that everything will just fall into place. I am starting to panic, because I feel like there is so much to do, and I feel like it is all on me to get things done. And I don't have a clue. Literally, not a clue as to where to even start. I know he needs to do his levee briefing to get more info. But thats about as much as I know.

Bethany is not potty training at all now. I have bought stickers, lots of big girl underpants. I sit on the edge of the tub while she sits on the potty for sometimes 20 minutes while she wants to sing songs and we spell every 3 letter word int he english language. She hasn't actually gone in a few weeks now. She will go in her pull up or underpants often within a few minutes of having spent 20 minutes on the potty! It is frustrating! I don't know what to do. I feel like she is at an age now, where I am getting nervous. I guess logically I know she will not be in diapers forever, but it is hard for me to think objectively these days.

I feel like everything is on me. I feel like I am failing if I can't get her potty trained, or help her improve her skills, or cook a decent meal every night, or if I forgrt to take a diaper to the trash and it sits out for a few hours. Yuck! I feel like I need to be superwoman and have everything under control, and I am failing because she has no interest in the potty, she is mean to her sister and pushes her down, We have pancakes for dinner at least once a week. I guess I am just a huge worrywart. Aaron would tell me "It is what it is". As he puts it, he is so laid back that he is almost at a stand still. Why can't I be more like him and relax a little. Trust that all will be okay?

On a happy note, I lost 2.4 pounds this past week. I had my weigh in on Wednesday. I have been trying to work out more too. I am doing pretty well.

Thats the most of it. Hopefully now, I can get some sleep!

Jibber Jabber

Shea is napping right now. Thank goodness. She was up half of the night crying and I had a hard time calming her. I was worried that my upstairs neighbor would try to call social services again. She has now threatened everybody with small children in this apartment building. She thinks none of us are feeding our kids or they wouldn't cry/act out/ make noise, etc. I am really getting sick of this lady. But I refuse to tiptoe around and let my kids take over because I am too afraid to dscipline them or let them make a peep. So if she has a problem, it is hers alone. It's true I would be upset if Family services show up at moy door, because let's face it! That is scary! Even if you have nothing to hide, it is intimidating to get a visit from people who could take your kids away if they think something is wrong. But I am not going to cower to her threats. I have nothing to hide. And I have faith that most social workers would be able to see that my kids are well taken care of.

But anyway, onto my favorite topic. Losing weight. I have decided to go sign up at Weight Watchers on Wednesday. Tomorrow. I have tried doing it all on my own, and I am getting nowhere. They have a Wednesday morning meeting that you can bring your small children with you to. I have roughly 8 weeks until Aaron comes home, and I so badly want to lose some weight before then. But apparently not bad enough to stop eating crap! I am hoping the accountability of going to the meetings will help enormously. Also I am making a better effort to get to the gym. I am in my gym clothes now with a diaper bag packed. when Shea wakes up, I will give her lunch, and then we are going to the gym. She can play in the nursery for an hour while I work out. If I can get there twice this week, I will feel like I really made the effort. Of course I need to make the effort to continue going as much as I can. I have been trying to do a pilates dvd here at home. It is hard to carve out time for that. I am usually so tired by the time the kids get in bed, and I use naptimes to get stuff done. So I try to do it when the kids are playing, but they both flock over to me and start climbing on me, and pressing tv buttons to find out why Nemo isn't on. Last night though, I waited until Shea was in bed, then I did my pilates while Bethany was still up. I had to stop and take a picture when I realized that Bethany was trying to do pilates too. It was so cute.

If I could figure out how to download the pictures from my camera to the computer, I would post it! I have a new camera that I love so far, but I cannot get how to get the pictures onto the computer! I did exactly what the manual said to do, and nothing happened. Well Shea is awake! Time for me to go.

Happy!

So many things are going so well right now. We just came home from a visit to Florida to visit my in laws. The visit went so well. It was a much needed break from the norm, and the girls really enjoyed themselves.

Aaron will be coming home in 2 months, and I am getting really excited. Just yesterday my mom agreed to fly out and watch the girls then so that I can pick Aaron up from the airport alone and stay in Atlanta for a couple of nights alone with him!! We have not had time alone since Bethany was born in 2004! I am so excited to just be with Aaron again.

Today Bethany gave me a mothers day present she made in school. It is a card that says "I love you this much", and there is apicture of her with her arms stretched out to her sides. It is cute. Of course it made me tear up. I can't imagine a better gift than something my sweet girls made themselves.

Today when I took Bethany to Easter Seals, she told me "I don't want to go. Let's go to the house." Cute and funny, yes. But also a big deal to me, because this is an improvement in her communication skills! This was a direct statement about what she was thinking and wanted to do. She was not echoing someone else or whining instead of talking. I think when you have a child with special needs, you learn to truly appreciate and be excited about the really tiny things. I feel blessed to have her for my daughter. She has taught me so much about counting my blesings and learning to appreciate the everyday little miracles that often go un noticed by many.

My life is not perfect, but is anybody's I would have to say that mine is about as close to perfect as I could hope for. Our needs are met, I have the love of a wonderful husband who I love more very day. I have 2 little girls who are healthy and wonderful. I have a good family. Life is good.

We are going to Fort Hood

Well, we found out that we will be PCS'ing to Fort Hood in Killeen, TX this summer! I have a lot of mixed emotions. I am nervous, and overwhelmed at the idea of moving. I will miss Columbus. It really grew on me. But I am also excited for the new adventure. Change is a good thing, right? I know a couple of people there already, so that will be nice. Jamie and Melissa are based at Hood now, but he is about to deploy, and she will be moving back home. I know another girl who I have never actually met in person, but I have known her for nearly 4 years now! I am excited to meet her. I am really hoping we can rent a house there. Aaron wants to live on post this time, but it seems the waiting list is pretty long. So we will probably get on the list, and live off post until it's our turn to get on post housing. I have so much to do! I am glad that movers will come pack us up and move our things, but I still need to get paperwork in order so that Bethany can go to school. I need to find her new therapists too. I would like to go back to school as well. I may not be able to get into college for this Fall semester, but I definitely plan to go in the Spring of '09. My mind is overloaded with things to do. I realize that I am blabbering. Most of all I really want to make some good friends. I have a hard time making friends these days because I am a bit shy when I first meet people, and often I have to interrupt our conversations to deal with one of my kids doing something crazy, so I imagine that makes me difficult to have a conversation with. I have some friends who have kids the same age as my kids. But they don't get out much. I really want a friend or two who I can call and chat with, and do lunch with or get a sitter and go out with to a movie or just hang out. I love my kids, but I want to have some kind of social life too. The kind of friends who might come over and hang out. The kind I can talk to about more than just our kids. I have friends like that too, but not nearby. I must sound really pathetic. But anyway, I think I will make a good effort to be outgoing and meet people when we get to Texas. It looks like Aaron may have to deploy around the end of the year from what we hear. It would be nice to have some good friends especially when he deploys. Anyway, I will quit my whining.